Day Fourteen, 18/07/2017
So I have been blogging Moments Of Happiness for the last few days now but yesterday I just really wasn’t feeling it, so instead I’ll blog about something different.
When I was 19 I got my first ever tattoo, for me its personal and 100% has
meaning. It’s the Chinese symbol for strength. It relates back to me spending years and years self harming, mostly during my Secondary School years. I was so insecure and unstable, I was this emotional teenage girl who always, always, always put other people first. I could sit here and try to explain to you the whys and the hows, but realistically I know that no one can ever fully understand it as its different for each individual person. Anyone reading this who has hurt themselves because they never felt good enough will get this, and anyone who hasn’t will potentially think how could anyone ever do that to themselves. It has a lot to do with insecurity, and I know the person I am now is so far away from the person I was when I was doing this and I just hope no one will judge me based on this very personal information from my past … but back to the tattoo, I got it as a reminder that I am way stronger than I give myself credit for. I came out of so many dark years and I’ve not ever self harmed in over five years, I’ll never regret this tattoo or think I made the wrong choice because I just know it represents so much to me and its just a lovely reminder.
Which brings me up to speed now, for some reason every few months I really really crave getting a second tattoo. A lot of the time I choose not to as I can’t decide fully where I want it or what to have. The one that has stuck with me for the longest time is wanting a tattoo of a bee. I just love them, I have so many little things with bees on and often my partner calls me a busy bee which definitely resonates with who I am. At work I rarely stop, I work through my lunch breaks and eat whilst I work. I generally flit around doing multiple things at once without pausing. I think I really am going to get this tattoo and that makes me so excited and even though it doesn’t have as much meaning as my last one I think I’ll look at it and love it.
My first tattoo is on my ankle, I love tattoos that are in places that I can choose to conceal or show. The ankle one can be covered up with jeans, trousers, tights, but if I want it on show I can roll up my jeans, wear shorts, not wear tights. I think I’d have the bee on my back just above my bra or alternatively on my shoulder as both can be covered or displayed by my own choice.
Again sorry this isn’t a Moment Of Happiness post but I hope if you’ve read it you’ve enjoyed it anyway.